I made an effort this year to increase my presences on social media. I produced art and shared it. I engaged with other artist and creators. I networked, completed a 100 day project on Instagram and started to receive some feedback and followers from in the online world.
Then I disappeared from social media.
Here's where I went...
Recently I made the choice to go back to school. Cue Billy Madison. As a self taught artist I sometimes feel like I am not as knowledgable as I could be in so many mediums. I have taught myself Illustrator and Photoshop, but there are so many times I have thought that maybe I am doing things the hard way or not utilizing programs or supplies properly. I longed for critiques and feedback from both professors and classmates alike.
I also never finished college and with my babies almost both in full day school themselves, I thought that this would be as good as time as ever to finish.
So here I am back at school. I wanted to start off slowly, so I only took one class this semester. I also wanted to be out of my comfort level so I took a drawing class instead of something in thegraphic design world. This was so out of my comfort level, because I do not consider myself a good "drawer". I don't sit down and draw objects, or landscapes or people often. And when I do draw it is on my iPad. In a program where I can erase with the swipe of my finger, not on paper where I constantly erase, leaving marks and smudges. I like type and letterforms. I like being able to click a button and have two points connect to make a totally straight line. The idea of shading terrified me.
I was also pretty worried about being an older student. I was convinced that the kids in the class would see me like this:
But getting out of my comfort zone is what I really wanted to do, so I jumped in.
The first class, I showed up with ALL of my supplies already (I went on the website and got the syllabus). Not one other student had their supplies with them. I felt like a big geek.
During the first critique the professor told me that I could benefit in taking the cubes home and practicing more. I felt like a super failure. Even though my portfolio review had approved me for this class, I felt like I should have started at the most basic beginner class.
I felt so out of place and exhausted. We drew for 4 hours, standing up the whole time. I was totally not used to this.
I am now 6 classes into the semester.
While I can say that I do not dread the class anymore, it is still tough. However I am giving myself the grace I need to continue. And with that grace I am starting to enjoy the drawing. We worked with charcoal last week, a first for me, and I really liked it. I have been looking at the world differently, seeing what I can draw, how everything in this world is from a cube or a sphere. I have been drawing as much as I can (and my kids allow). I can see some improvement.
My anxiety and self doubt may rear its head in the next couple of weeks when the nude models show up. Until then...